Decision Time

Well I called my RE today to check on Rob's test results and the nurse was like it takes 3 weeks for the results. I told her well the doctor told us 10 days or so, why the difference? She didn't know and told me to call back next week. Argh, more waiting, which I am no good at. But I did talk to the IVF nurse coordinator who told me that even if Rob's results are good, if his sample is bad on the day of the ER then they will do ICSI anyways, which makes me feel better. At least they are using their discretion to determine if ICSI is necessary. I also found out that to do the IVF Guarantee Program it will cost exactly $17000 up front. But this includes 3 IVFs and 3 FETs. The best part is that if you don't reach 20 weeks and you M/C, then you can continue with the treatments. So basically if the 1st IVF or FET works and I don't reach 20 weeks I still get to continue with the process. If we just do a regular IVF it will cost $10000 up front, but with this it does not include the 20 wk M/C guarantee, that's where the other program's benefits come into play. If we did the other cheaper IVF and I M/C at any time we would be out all of that money. For $7000 extra I think it is well worth it. Now the financing fun begins. I've called one place and they couldn't offer us the whole amount and they wanted to give us a 16.25% interest rate, which I think is outrageous. Our credit union is working on something now for us, so hopefully it will be much better. As long as we could at least get $15000 approved, we could come up with the rest and whatever meds are going to cost for each cycle. So much to think about, but at least I feel proactive. We are probably going to meet with Rob's parents next weekend to go over everything, they'll let us know what they can do to help financially, which is such a blessing. I'm so thankful that they are so supportive, unlike my parents who still think I should be done with grad school. But that's another story. TGIF!!

Driving Me Crazy

I keep going thru all the "what ifs" if Rob's test comes back bad. Basically if the number is greater than 30%, then there's a high likelihood ICSI with IVF will be probable. However, stupid me Google.d and found out that if the number reaches this level, then you also have a higher risk for M/C and abnormal development of the embryos. In many cases, the sperm might fertilize the egg, but the embryo doesn't develop properly or implant, which I've been concerned about for a while now. I probably won't be able to hold out past Thursday before calling to see if the results are in. This is almost as bad as the 2ww, maybe worse. But at least this month I don't have to go thru a 2ww, I just have to wait for AF to show again. Bleh.

Waiting Again

Well we got the DNA Frag test done, now we just wait for the results. I got all our financial info on how much IVF will cost and about the shared-risk program. Basically the program allows you to do 3 IVF and 3 FET (if possible) and if after the 3rd try you aren't PG you get 70% money back. All total it might cost $25000 or so, but the cost is variable depending on your protocol and if we do ICSI. I feel pretty good about everything, we just have alot to figure out as far as financing and deciding which way we want to go. I think once we know the frag results, it might help us know whether we have a greater risk of having to do it more than once.

Stressing

I'm scared, I'm terrified, but I'm excited all the same. We are moving forward with IVF. We go to Jacksonville in the morning for Rob's DNA Frag Test. I'm nervous about it, but I think we need to know the results because it will change the way we do IVF. If the results are bad then we will have to do ICSI (Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection), which of course costs more. I finally got the run-down on the costs, I think I almost passed out while on the phone. Just one cycle could cost us upwards of $15000 including meds. We are thinking of doing the guarantee program, which allows you do to 3 IVF cycles and if after the 3rd cycle you still aren't PG, they give you 70% money back. Now I don't know if this includes FET, that's something I'll have to ask about. Once we get the test results back, which could take up to 10 days, we are going to meet with Rob's parents to figure out a money plan. They are being so generous and offered to help us, even if it's just to help us with a loan. I don't know how much they are willing to give us, but any little bit will help. I'm going to have to dig deeper into what our prescription drug insurance covers on meds. We would at least be able to pay for them a few times, without getting a loan. I'm looking forward to moving on, but I'm not looking forward to the torture of going thru the actual IVF and all the emotional toil that comes with it. But I'm ready to be PG. And if by chance IVF still doesn't work for us, with the guarantee we could use to money towards adoption, which I think is a great idea. We've both talked about it and have agreed not to go the donor route. Rob said he was fine with it, but I feel like if we can't have a child that is biologically ours, I don't want to have a child that is just biologically mine. Rob would still love it just the same, but I guess I would feel a little guilty about it. It's just a personal preference I guess. I don't want to be PG unless it's our child. I'm not obsessed about being PG, I'm obsessed about being a mother. Being a mother is more important to me than carrying a child and it took me a while to figure that out. It's weird not worrying about everything with my cycle this month, but in a way it's a relief. I'm just going to try and take some time to prepare myself for everything to come.

Game Over

Well my temp plummeted this morning, so AF should be arriving soon. Ugh, I'm so pissed. Just once, I wanted this to work for us. It would have been perfect for us. We could have saved all of our money and gotten a new car. I just got off the phone with the RE and we have a phone consult set up for Thursday morning I guess to find out what he wants to do. I've scheduled the DNA frag test for Rob for next Wednesday, so hopefully we will get those results rather quickly. I don't really know if that's going to change the plan though. If the results were bad, then IVF was the only option, but if they were ok then IUI should have worked. I mean even if we get the results and they tell us that IUI would have never worked, I guess I still would have wanted to try, maybe not the 3 times that we did. But at least we are only out about $2000 for all 3 IUI's including the meds. I know it could have been alot worse. I'm so bummed that we are going to have to take some time off from trying. I'm hoping once I find out how much everything is going to be and if insurance will cover anything, then I'll have to get going trying to find a loan. Once that is in place, then things can move pretty quickly. It would be nice if we could have all of this done in time for when AF arrives next month, but things never go that smoothly for us, so I'm not betting on it.

Not Looking Good

So my temp dropped yesterday morning and I tested anyways and it was a BFN. This morning 12dpIUI my temp went back up almost 0.5 degrees and so I tested and it was another BFN. It's not looking good at all. I know I'm not completely out of the running, it could still be early, but the closer I get to that ever present AF day with no BFP, the less hope I have. I know I will be ok if it doesn't work again. It just means we have to take a break from TTC to figure out what happens next. Since May of 2007 we technically haven't take a break. Maybe it will do us some good to kind of regroup, but it's still not something I am looking forward to. I know we will go ahead and schedule the DNA Frag test for Rob and then probably try and set up an appt to meet with the RE and find out what he thinks we should do. From everything he's already told us, IVF is gonna be it. The problem now is finding out if our new insurance covers anything and what the cost will be. Then we'll have to get a loan for that instead of a new car. I guess the car can certainly wait, at least I have something that runs right now and it's completely paid off. I'd rather have a baby in my arms at the end of the year, than be driving a spankin' new car.

Good News

So I passed my Pre-Lim PhD exams today!! YEY!! One milestone down, several more to go before I graduate. I also tested this morning (I know, way too early). It is 10dpIUI and I got a very faint positive. Now I thought well maybe it's still the trigger shot, but I had the trigger shot 11 days ago. I'll probably keep on testing at least once in the morning, just because I am dying to know. My nips have been sore for almost 5 days now. I told one of my friends and she was like you are so PG or your nips don't like the cold weather. I'm hoping it's the first one, I mean I haven't been running around outside nude in order to chap my nipples. I got my CD21 Progesterone levels from Tuesday which would have been 7dpIUI and it was 25, which the nurse said was very good and promising. Oh please oh please let her be right! Anyways, I'll keep you posted. Have a great weekend everyone!

A New Year

It's the first day of a new year, hopefully a new start. I just really want to know if this IUI worked or not. It will change everything, whatever happens. If it's positive it will be the best day and start of the year for us. We can get our new car and plan for a September baby. If it's negative, then we'll have to look into getting a loan for IVF, we won't get a new car, and the anxiety that comes with starting another treatment will begin again. It's driving me nuts just thinking about it. On Jan. 8, I take my oral exams for my PhD. It's a huge step towards finishing my degree. It would be amazing, if after I finish and pass them, I get my BFP a few days later. Arrgghh, this stinks.