Monday, November 22, 2010

Seeking Help

So I guess there weren't too many of you that read my last post or maybe you just didn't know what to say. This morning I called a few therapists and will hopefully be able to get an appointment soon. I'm doing better than I was a few days ago, but going to church yesterday was difficult. We normally sit with my friend who just told me she's pregnant with her 2nd, but I just couldn't. We even skipped sunday school because I knew she would be announcing it to the class. R went up to talk to someone after the service and I just went back to the car. He ran into them and told them it was just too hard for me right now. She told him she understood and would be waiting if I wanted to talk again. At this point I'm just feeling surrounding and over-whelmed with pregnant women, I just want to avoid any situation that will cause more pain. I know this makes me a horrible friend, but I've got to save my sanity especially since I could be facing more disappoint after we get the results of our 2nd and most likely last FET.

I know in my heart that I just want to be pregnant and have a child, but at the same time the thought of never having a child that is truly mine and my husband's biologically scares the crap out of me. I think I just need to talk through it with an outsider, so that's why I'm seeking some help. I went to counseling about 2 years ago and it just wasn't right for me. I don't know if it was the therapist or just her methods that made me uncomfortable. The only thing I got out of seeing her was a 1970s book on how to get pregnant. I couldn't believe a therapist who knew that we had been trying for almost 2 years at that point thought a book like that would go over well. So needless to say I'm skeptical of all therapists.

12 comments:

  1. Melissa, I just read your last post and this one. I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this at once and feeling so alone. I think reaching out for help from an outsider is probably a good idea at this point. I remember your last experience at therapy (though I don't remember the 1970s book- wow!). I hope this therapist is a better match for you. If nothing else, sometimes it helps just to have a sounding board. You certainly have a lot on your plate right now. Anyone would be feeling overwhelmed in your shoes. Hang in there. Good luck with this FET. I'm thinking of you.

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  2. Hey, Melissa. I'm just catching up on your last post. I'm so sorry for everything that's going on right now. I think it's wonderful that you are seeking out someone to talk to about everything. Is it possibly you could convince your husband to go, too, once you find a therapist you like? He doesn't even have to talk - he can just listen to what you have to say. Or maybe you could write him a letter about your sessions that expresses your feelings.

    You will get through this. I know it. It might not feel that way right now, but you will. You are a strong woman.

    Thinking of you lots and sending hugs. <3

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  3. Oh Melissa, I'm so sorry I missed your last post. I hate that you are having such a tough time, but I can identify with so much of what you're saying.

    Let's get through this together, k?

    Hugs friend.

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  4. That whole book thing is just awful! Could you perhaps find a therapist who specializes in infertility? My clinic has one and she is wonderful and would never think to give me a book on how to get pregnant! Good luck finding someone! Happy ICLW!

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  5. I have mostly lurked but wanted to wish you the best. I experienced two chem pgs in 2009 and understand what you are going through. I hope that you are able to find a therapist you click with and he/she can help you in every way possible.

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  6. I just read your last post as well. We have been busy here with company and I feel so terrible that I didn't catch it earlier. I'm sure you are experiencing a lot of pain and hurt right now not only with infertility but with the tension between you and Rob. I'm so sorry and my heart breaks for you. I think you are doing the right thing seeking help from a therapist. I saw a therapist when I was going through an especially hard time and I think it was beneficial. Granted, you need to find the right fit. If you see someone that isn't helping, dump them and find someone new. I can NOT believe your previous therapist gave you a book on how to get pregnant. That is just so ridiculous and inappropriate. I love you so much and hope that there is an end in sight from all of this pain very soon for you.

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  7. Hey, I am getting caught up on blogging today so I just now read your last one. I don't know what to say except that I love you and I hope both of us have better luck next month! I pray for you all the time.

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  8. I hope that finding someone to talk to will help you and to bring some of your happiness back.

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  9. Are you skeptical of me? I am a therapist. We aren't all bad, I promise. But sometimes, you have to find a person who is th right fit. Have you looked into a fertility specific counselor? That might help. If one is not available, seek out a trauma therapist.

    I think there is a lot to be discussed here and I am so sorry you are having a rough time. Thinking of you my dear.

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  10. Melissa, I also did not read your last post until now because I was sick with the flu this weekend. First off, ((HUGS)). Secondly, if you remember, I went to a counselor who was not a very good fit either. I give you a lot of credit for giving it another go in hopes that this therapist will be a better fit. Not knowing how you selected this current one- can you have your RE give you an reccomendation for one? That might be a good way to go.

    Also, you are not a horrible friend- you have to do what's best for you first. If your friend is a good friend, she'll understand that. If she doesn't understand that, then maybe she's not the best friend to have anyway.

    Thinking of you as always.

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  11. It's absolutely OK to take care of yourself, whether that means going to therapy or not sitting with a friend because it hurts too much right now. In fact, taking care of yourself is vital. I hope you find someone supportive to talk with.

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  12. Here from ICLW - Hang in there! and be nice to yourself. I've read the last few posts and it seems like maybe its a good idea to get some outside help - there's no shame in it (or maybe I just say that because I've been in therapy for 14 years :P), and it might help with a multitude of things. Praying for you and your husband and sending you hugs and sticky baby dust during your 2ww.

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