So I guess there weren't too many of you that read my last post or maybe you just didn't know what to say. This morning I called a few therapists and will hopefully be able to get an appointment soon. I'm doing better than I was a few days ago, but going to church yesterday was difficult. We normally sit with my friend who just told me she's pregnant with her 2nd, but I just couldn't. We even skipped sunday school because I knew she would be announcing it to the class. R went up to talk to someone after the service and I just went back to the car. He ran into them and told them it was just too hard for me right now. She told him she understood and would be waiting if I wanted to talk again. At this point I'm just feeling surrounding and over-whelmed with pregnant women, I just want to avoid any situation that will cause more pain. I know this makes me a horrible friend, but I've got to save my sanity especially since I could be facing more disappoint after we get the results of our 2nd and most likely last FET.
I know in my heart that I just want to be pregnant and have a child, but at the same time the thought of never having a child that is truly mine and my husband's biologically scares the crap out of me. I think I just need to talk through it with an outsider, so that's why I'm seeking some help. I went to counseling about 2 years ago and it just wasn't right for me. I don't know if it was the therapist or just her methods that made me uncomfortable. The only thing I got out of seeing her was a 1970s book on how to get pregnant. I couldn't believe a therapist who knew that we had been trying for almost 2 years at that point thought a book like that would go over well. So needless to say I'm skeptical of all therapists.