I relate infertility to a brick wall. Sometimes it's several hundred feet high and I can't even remotely fathom what the other side is like, but other times it's only a few feet high and it seems like one day I might be able to climb over it. For now, I can't see the top of the wall. The wall is thick and tall. I can't blast threw it and there are no peep holes to the other side. There is a single ladder that I can use to climb over the wall, but there are hundreds of others waiting to use the ladder too. If I consider the three transfers I've been through, I've gotten to start the climb using that ladder three times. One time I made it a few steps off the ground, but immediately fell off. The other two times I've almost reached the top, only to fall hard back on the ground. Currently, I'm trying to mend the broken heart that I suffered from the last fall.
I can sometimes hear those of you that have made it to the other side, but most of the time you've moved so far from that wall I can't hear your voice anymore. Every now and then I can hear a voice telling me, "You're time will come." But sometimes all I hear is a whisper saying, "You won't believe what it's like over here, wish you were here to see it." I don't know what it's like on the other side of the wall. I've never seen it and I've never experienced it, so I don't know how to relate to those of you that have already made it to the other side. Maybe when my heart begins to mend again and I get to step back on that ladder to try and make the climb again, I'll be able to hear again. I might finally catch a glimpse of what the other side is really like. Maybe you'll even be able to chip away at the wall and make a peep hole for me to see what the other side is really like. Maybe one day that hole will be big enough for you to grab my hand and reassure me that all of this heartache is really worth going through to make it to the other side.
But for now the wall is big. My broken heart and I are on one side and y'all are on the other. I can't see the top of the wall and there are no peep holes to take a glimpse at the other side. My ears don't work very well so all I hear are muted whispers. So if y'all have the time to wait for me on the other side it would make all the difference, but if y'all don't, I'll understand that the beauty and happiness on the other side is too great to pass up and getting further away from that wall is what is best.
17 hours ago