ICLW Welcome

Hi everyone, my name is Melissa and my husband Rob and I have been trying since May of 2007 for a little one. I'm currently on my 3rd IUI attempt, CD6. I'm taking Letrozole on CD3 thru CD9, and then I'm doing Menopur shots on CD10 thru CD12. I'll be going in on CD13 for a follicle check, and I'm guessing an IUI before January 1st. It's been a really hard 2009. We finally saw an RE and were diagnosed with MFI (abnormal shaped sperm) and given a less than 1% chance of conceiving naturally. I'm praying that this IUI will finally work for us, since our next option is IVF. Unfortunately our insurance doesn't cover IVF, so we would have to take out a loan to pay for it. My dream is that it won't come to this and everything will work out in our favor for once. I look forward to getting to know all of you!

Car Accident and CD3 U/S

So I was just in a car accident tonight. I ran into the back of someone in bumper to bumper traffic, after another car almost hit the back of me. My car got towed, I think the radiator is cracked and we now have $500 to pay for a deductible. How the heck am I supposed to pay for the car and do this IUI? I don't know, but I hope some money magically appears somewhere. I go in for a CD3 U/S in the morning. I have to leave at 4am, this is crap.

The Next Step

So AF arrived last night. I called the RE to find out what the plan is for this cycle. Evidently he may want to start injectables, which will be quite expensive. It's something Rob and I will have to sit down and think about. I'm not sure what I want to do. I'm still waiting to find out what the RE really suggests, I just talked to a nurse, so I guess we'll make a decision after that.

In the midst of everything that happened this weekend, Rob and I were really thankful for all the support we got from our friends. It meant alot to us, and it meant alot to me to have all of you be so kind. However, something has really been bothering me. Our closest friends haven't said a word to us. Not a text, not a phone call, nothing, just silence. On Friday when I got my positive, I ran down to their house (they live two houses away) and showed my friend the test. Mind you she's almost 20wks PG and we haven't said alot to each other lately. She was so happy, we sat down and talked and tried to figure out a neat way for me to tell Rob. She showed me her PG book and what it said about how many weeks I was. Then on Sat when I got the negative, she called me and said, "I didn't get a positive for almost two weeks. Don't worry it'll be fine." That's all she could come up with. We told them on Sunday night that I was going in for a blood test to confirm everything. I sent her a text and Rob left a message for her husband, so I know that they know.

We used to see them two or three times a week. We did everything together. And ever since she's become PG everything has changed. We don't have anything in common it seems. They're in this new club and we aren't members yet. It seems like they are slowly distancing themselves from us and it hurts so much. I don't understand why on top of everything we have to deal with because of IF, why we have to lose friends along with it. I thought that friends were supposed to be supportive and be there for you no matter how difficult the situation is. Evidently they aren't as good of friends as we thought.

Rob said he's actually hurt by it too and that says alot. Most of the time he tells me I'm over-reacting, but not this time. He says he'll probably mention it to the husband and let him know how hurt we are by everything. I think this will be a turning point in our friendship. If they can't understand why we are so hurt, then maybe they aren't truly our friends.

Negative Beta, BFN IUI2

Well the title sums it up. This sucks. I hate this. Why did I get a positive? Was it some cruel joke from EP.T. False positive my butt. Screw all of it. I don't know if we are going thru with IUI#3 or not.

Going For A Beta

AF still hasn't come and I'm 13dpIUI, but 14dpo. Normally 14 days to the dot, I get
AF after a positive OPK. My BBT was still above normal this morning, but I decided not to POAS, I didn't want to sit there and analyze whether I could or couldn't see a line. I'm calling the RE at 7am to find out when I can go in for a Beta. Then it will be the most tortuous wait I think I'll ever go thru. Keep us in your prayers, I just really hope this is it.

PRAY PLEASE!!

I took another test this morning, same E.PT digital and it said Not Pregnant. I'm freaking out. We took the two tests apart and both have a faint positive line. I don't know if it's a fluke or if something is wrong. My BBT dropped slightly from 98.07 or so to 97.95 this morning. Please pray for us, I don't want this to be a dream. I'm buying several different kinds of tests and will be testing several times today. No AF or spotting. 12dpIUI.

10dpIUI#2

So I've been temping since Wed morning and so far I've gotten 98.47, 98.41, and then this morning on Day 10, 97.57. Um, could it be an implantation dip? I'm hoping and praying that it is. I don't know if I'm imagining cramping, or weird uterine feelings, but geez I'm going nuts over this 2ww. Maybe it's because it's real this time, the possibility that we may get a BFP finally. All I know is that if my temp doesn't go up tommorrow morning, it's probably over. Those two temps are the highest I've ever had during a cycle, normally my BBT runs well below 98, even during my luteal phase. Ugh, I hate this, over analyzing everything. Just shoot me now.

7DPIUI

So today is one week post IUI#2 and I'm sick, with a sinus infection most likely. Rob was sick last week and I'm sure I caught it from him. We got back from Disney last night. We had a really nice time, even though I wasn't feeling great. We went to Hollywood Studies and Magic Kingdom on Saturday, we were there from 10am til 12pm. We went on every ride we could and even got to go on Space Mountain, which has been closed for renovations for a while. On Sunday we spent the day at Dowtown Disney, just shopping around.

It's so stupid but there were so many baby things that I wanted to buy, but I stopped myself from getting anything else. When we went two weeks ago, I got a onesie and bib with Mickey on them, it's red, so pretty generic. I got one set for us and one for our friends who are PG for Christmas. It's stuck in the back of our hall closet with some of the other baby onesies I've been stashing. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just buying gifts for other people, not something I'll ever be able to use. Our friends will find out the gender around Christmas. I can't believe it, but I feel like we are losing them as friends just like I lost the friend I had a school once she became PG. We don't spend as much time together anymore, we don't talk as much anymore either. They've changed and we've changed. I really hate this.

I don't have any symptoms, I had some cramping a few days ago, but I'm not really reading into it. I'm just trying to prepare myself for the worst again. I'll probably start temping around Wed or Thurs and keep track of my morning temps. At least that will give me an idea of whether it will be a BFN again. I think if my temps start dipping, I won't even bother wasting a test unless AF doesn't show for a while. This is it, the last shot for a BFP in 2009. As the months go by, it's getting closer and closer to not even having a chance to have a baby in 2010. Our 3 year mark is rapidly approaching too. All these milestones, that I wish I could forget about.