Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Why Does It Seem Like Time Is Stopping?
Things have been going ok for me so far since the transfer. My bloating is slowly but surely going down. I am having some slight cramping each day, but I'm trying to not over analyze it. I just don't want to start down that road again. I've been trying to stay away from BBC this time because if I go on there like I usually do to see how everyone is, it keeps reminding me of my upcoming beta. I just kind of want to step back and not be reminded of it. I guess this is a way for me to protect myself from having an anxiety attack, which happened after my first fresh transfer. With my FET all I did was POAS for like 5 days straight 2x a day before my actual beta (I may be over-exaggerating, but only slightly). I guess I was just so excited to finally see 2 lines, a plus, or even that word I keep wanting to be associated with "Pregnant," I just kept testing. When I got my 2nd beta that hadn't even risen 10pts, my world fell apart again. I just don't want to put myself through that again. I blame myself for how starting that POAS train, I've got to stop myself from doing it this time. I need to keep telling myself that I am just throwing money away if I buy another HPT. No matter if I see a positive, my beta's are what matters. Next Wed just feels like such an eternity from now. Even though I'm trying to stay busy in the lab, I swear time just creeps by me. I really wonder if while going through the 2ww, our perception of time changes. Anyways, gotta get back to work and trying to not think about what I want to think about every waking minute.