Do I even call it that? I mean I knew I was pregnant on Sunday, got confirmation on Wednesday and then last Friday everything fell apart. I didn't get to see an ultrasound, hear a heartbeat, or even get the chance to truly be happy with the news. It all happened so quickly. My beta dropped to 145, so at least I didn't have to make the choice to terminate, it was made for me. I stop all the meds today and wait for probably the worst AF I'll ever have. I have a repeat beta next Wed to see how far my levels have dropped. Our phone consult with our RE is set for July 8. I can't believe it's so far away. Our 5 year anniversary is on July 2. We're going to Charleston for a night, the place we met and married and then on to see my parents and some of my relatives. I was hoping this would be our first anniversary as expectant parents, well there's goes that dream. So I guess we will start IVF#2 in a few months. I'm sure I'll have to wait a few weeks for AF to even shown, then I guess I may have to wait another cycle before I start BCPs again, I'm not really sure. I guess when AF shows I'll call and find out. But with my luck they will make me wait another cycle before I even start the pill again. This wasn't how I even imagined our first attempt at IVF would go. Guess I should have realized with out luck thus far that something was bound to go wrong. It was inevitable. Nothing is ever going to be handed to us, especially a baby.
Thank you all for your love and support. I'll actually be on here more now and be staying away from BabyCenter. The IVF group I belong to has so many freaking BFPs (3 sets of twins) and many that are already moms, it's just a bad place for me to be, even if I'm just lurking. Love to you all. I'll make it somehow.
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Aw, I don't really have words. I can say I'm sorry but I know that doesn't help. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious to hear what the RE has to say. You had blasts so I wouldn't think your eggs are bad.
Hope you have a nice trip for your anniversary.
I thought about you a lot this morning. I would definitely let yourself mourn as though it was a miscarriage. There's something to be said for allowing yourself to just be sad and let it out.
ReplyDeleteIt's a miscarriage, plain and simple, and you should get to mourn it as such. Thank you for your support right now for me when you are going through such a hard time..Im so sorry..
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry! I experienced two early losses last year and it definitely took me time to recover emotionally & physically from both. After each, my dr recommended we take a break cycle as well. And doing so really helped me. I found by the end of each break, I was filled with hope again. I wish you the best as you move forward. I hope you have a great time in Charleston and visiting you family.
ReplyDeleteI agree with previous comments, let yourself mourn this, it is a loss. I hope that you are able to enjoy your trip and that your RE visit will bring you some answers and hope as well. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteUgh, I am so sorry. I hope that everything goes quickly and you don't have to wait too long.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about the beta - it seems so cruel when things like this happen. I know that this doesn't help make things perfect but I'm so sorry.
ReplyDeleteOh yes - sorry I ended too early. For sure it is a miscarriage, it's a loss, it's okay to grieve. When we just had our miscarriage and didn't get to see a heartbeat ever on our twins I felt the same way. But it still felt like someone had died. I am so sorry. Take all the time you need, although I know at the same time sometimes you have those moments when you just want to fast forward time. It's a strange conflicting emotion. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteKeeping you in my prayers.... so very sorry for your loss. We'll be here, whenever and if ever you need us~
ReplyDeleteBig Hugs Melissa. I don't even have words. This is so heartbreaking and I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. Just know I'm here for you and love you much. I'm praying for you as you go through this extremely difficult time.
ReplyDeleteI'm so, so sorry to hear about this loss. Sending you a flood of love and support right now.
ReplyDeleteI know I've commented at the BBC, but I just wanted to let you know I am continue to think about you. I am so sorry to hear about your loss, especially as you are waiting for it to come.
ReplyDeleteI hope that the timing of your trip to Charleston turns out to be what you need right now. It should be lovely there this time of year. Be with Rob. Take it all in together.
Love you!