Thursday, April 15, 2010
Well the title sums it up. Beta was 0.7, not even a glimmer of hope. The more I think about it the more I think those lines I thought I saw were just evap lines. I would rather think that I was never PG than think that I was PG and then lost them. Of the 6 ladies on a BBC Board that went thru IVF or a FET at the same time I did, I was the only one that didn't get a BFP. Love those odds. Did my RE hold his tongue differently when he did the transfer? Was it because Rob wasn't there for the transfer? Why? I know I will never know, but I feel like I'm entitled to a little jealousy right now. Having feelings of anger and jealousy are easier for me to deal with at the moment than feeling completely helpless. I have to wait for AF to show in a few days and then wait an entire "natural" cycle before we can do anything else. I'm super pissed about that, and please don't tell me that it will give my body and mind time to heal, I've heard it many times before and it still pisses me off, so please spare me. And the lovely nurse who told me the news said if your next cycle doesn't come in 45 days you can call for some Provera, oh thanks, I really appreciate that. So unless my body decides to be nice to me this next month, I could be waiting another 50 days or longer, that's just perfect. I know you can all tell from this post that I'm pissed off, but at this point this is my coping mechanism. I get angry, I've cried all I can cry, there aren't anymore tears left at least for this cycle. It's done, it's over, not a thing I can do to change the results. I'll be better in a few days or maybe a few weeks, just give me some time. Our RE consult is schedule for April 28.