8dp3dt

I am such a bad blogger. I guess I've just been trying to not think of it as much, but of course it never works. Well I tested on Thursday and saw a very very faint line on a FRER, but then I tested on Friday morning and it was negative, devestating to say the least. I decided not to test this morning and will test again on Sunday morning since that will be 9dp3dt (12dp). I know it may not show anything either, but I guess I just want to feel productive and if POAS does that then so be it. Of course, I'll be sad if I don't see that ever elusive second line, but I will tell myself it is still too early. On one of the boards on BBC that I'm on, one of the gals just had a beta 10dp5dt and it was only 32, but her docs were ok with that. With a beta that low, it wouldn't even show up on some sticks, so I guess even if on the day of my beta I don't get a BFP, it may still not be over. I'm so thankful for the weekend, but Monday and Tuesday of next week are gonna be torture, I can feel it. Luckily Rob has Wednesday off so he will be coming with me to the hospital where I get the test done. I will have to go in to the school for a little while, but then I will probably skip the rest of the day to come home and wait for the most important phone call of my life. I never realized how different IVF was from IUI. Right now I know that I have two embryos in my uterus, I've never had that before; it's a completely different feeling. I'm already protective of them, I already speak to them each day, I want them to stay around so much, but I know I have absolutely no control over what happens, and that sucks. But, it's a lesson that God has been trying to teach me throughout this 3 year journey. I am NOT in control, He IS. I have to keep reminding myself of this. I'm hoping since tomorrow is Sunday and church day, maybe God will bless us early, just this once.