So I got up early this morning and went with Rob to the gym for the first time. I did cardio for 30min and weight training for another 30min. I was late getting into work, but I didn't really care. I felt great and I felt like I was being proactive. We've got a schedule for the gym set. On the days when Rob goes in late to work, we'll go in the mornings, and when he goes in early, we'll go in at night. My goal is to go at least 5 times a week. I know I will be sore in a day or two, but it's a good sore, a sore I'm working towards. It's a sore that isn't my heart, which it has usually been. I think it will get my mind off things for a little while. I got alot of work done today, so all in all it was very productive.
I went to church yesterday for the first time since we went for Easter. I saw my old sunday school teacher, she's in her late 30's with three kids, but she acts like she's 25. Another friend from class, also came up to see me. For some reason, when she asked how I was doing, I just started crying. I hate crying in public, I feel so vulnerable and out in the open. So they took me and Rob into another empty room, and we just talked. I told them everything that had happened since we last saw them and about all the feelings I'd been having lately. It was really cathartic and exactly what I needed. God brought them together at that exact moment and on that exact day to help me. Even the sermon spoke to me, it was about not having joy in your life. I haven't felt joyful in a very long time. They made a suggestion, that I'm not sure I'll go thru with, but it's a thought. They told me I should start slowly getting baby things, just little by little and get our spare room ready. I just don't know if I could do that, I mean I have no idea when and if I'll have a baby. It could be years. I just don't know if I could have a nursery and no baby to put in it. And then if I got done with school and we moved and still didn't have a baby, what then? I know, I know, not thinking very positive, but it's a habit that's hard to break. So I'm going to think on it for a while.