Friday, June 12, 2009

Feeling Like I'm Starting Over

I don't know why, but I feel like I'm completely starting over TTC. It's been 2 years and 1 month and other than finding out I don't ovulate and I'm hypothyroid, it still doesn't feel like I've made that much progress. I know I'm giving my body a rest and changing meds and my diet is a huge step, but in the end how many more months (or years) after I get things regulated will it take me to get PG? I have no idea, but it seems so far away. I try not to think about it, but I can't help it. TTC has been my life for 2 years and 1 month and trying to forget isn't easy. I know I should be thankful that my new doc in SC thinks I could get PG on my own without fertility meds and IUI/IVF, but wouldn't my chances of conceiving now be greater if I did go thru with IUI or IVF? The cost is certainly still an issue, our insurance would cover nothing IF related. So realistically IUI or IVF isn't an option for us, but I can't help but wonder if we kept going with the fertility meds and further testing, would I get PG sooner? It's alot of what-ifs and I need to stop playing this game.

I'm trying to think illogically to help myself get thru this, so I'm going to act like I am ovulating around a certain time (CD18 was when I did on Clomid), BD for a week straight around that "time" and who knows maybe my body will surprise me and actually act normal. The chance is pretty small until I change my thyroid meds. I understand, if I don't ovulate, that's a 0% chance of getting PG. But I've gotta keep the faith that things will go the way I want them to, b/c 0% is just too hard to swallow.

I have a follow-up appt with the doc in SC for July 15. Hopefully I'll get some answers and maybe he can put things into perspective. I was supposed to give him 100 days to get myself regulated, but I don't know if I can wait that long. I'm on Day 24. In the end, I have to, I don't have any other choice right now. I just want so badly to be able to get PG in 09. I don't care when, just before the end of the year.

1 comment:

  1. I know that 100 days seems like forever, but you are already 1/4 of the way there. Look at the changes that this new lifestyle have already brought and give your body that chance to regulate itself. If making these changes can get your thyroid in check, you may never need to do IUI or IVF. And, even if you do, having yourself regulated may provide you with better results. Don't give up! You still have several months left in 2009 to reach that BFP!