So after my latest counselor appt, I have determined that I am thinking too logically about everything. I analyze everything I do and everything that happens around me. I look at facts and mull over things until I've solved them. Instead of thinking logically about the girl who recently got PG from her BF, I have to think illogically about the situation. Logically Melissa thinks, "Why her, she doesn't deserve it?" Illogically Melissa thinks, "Well if she got PG in my house, then I certainly can." Logically Melissa thinks, "I'm supposed to BD at this particular time in order to get PG." Illogically Melissa thinks, "Whohoo no more condoms, let's have some fun. We can BD whenever, wherever." Starting to see the pattern?
I can't think logically about this whole TTC journey. Because logic just doesn't fly anymore. If I keep this up, I really will never become PG, just because of all the stress it's causing me. I have to get rid of the stress and just maybe things will fall into place. It makes alot of sense now. I have to make a change physically and mentally.
I've changed endocrinologists and I've started a new diet. I'm going to try and get in the best shape I've ever been in and just maybe once I hit my goal, I'll maybe become PG and gain all that weight that I've lost back. I can get excited about that, honestly. Now that I'm seeing a counselor, I can see why I'm so stressed. There's been alot that's happened recently and in my past. I have to deal with that stuff before I can move on. I know it's going to take some time and I am so inpatient, but I'm doing everything I can to try and get to where I need to be. I just have to have faith that my new doctor and my counselor can help me.
I think they can.