Monday, June 29, 2009
AF: What A B**CH!!!!!!!
So AF showed this evening in full-force, cramps like a b***h. Why is it that after having hope and losing it, you have to endure a week long of cramps and bleeding, just to remind you yet again that you aren't PG? It's something I'll never understand. But yet I keep coming back for more. I'm at my angry stage again right now. I haven't cried this time, which is a first, normally I'm in tears for two days straight when AF shows, but this time I'm not going to let her make me sad, instead I'm getting angry and even. I'm taking all my anger to the gym. I tried it tonight and I feel a little better, but the pit in my stomach is still there. Since I don't have proof that I did actually O on my own last month without Clomid, I'm going to OPK this next cycle, I'd like to have piece of mind, and at least know if I am or not. Then if I'm not, I'll know that my chance that cycle is 0%. That way I'll be prepared for AF, when she does come, and not have to go thru all the emotions of hoping and wishing for a BFP, when there's absolutely no chance in hell of seeing one. I'm going to a chocolate fondue night on Tuesday, which I'm looking forward to. I'm craving it right now of course, so I'm going to indulge, don't really care at this point if it ruins my diet. I'll be going to the gym the other days this week to make up for it. Thursday is our 4th anniversary, but we aren't doing anything special, maybe out to eat, but that's it. We are saving our money for our trip to Tampa. I can't wait to get out of town and just forget about TTC for a few days. I'm going to drink as much as I want, eat what I want, and ride as many roller coasters as I can at Busch Gardens when we go. AF can suck it!!