Monday, May 25, 2009
Case of the F-its
So I guess once I realized this past month that I didn't ovulate, I still haven't started AF and it's been 40 days, and I probably don't have a shot at getting PG for several more months, and months is relative, I've developed a severe case of the F-its. I haven't given up completely, especially since I'm changing so many things about my diet and medications, but I'm still down and disappointed about it. My goal is still just to get PG in 09 (it was to have a baby in 09, but sadly that has certainly passed). As far as school goes, I am so burned out, even though I've had two weeks off in the past three weeks. I just don't want to do anything, and that's where my case of the F-its matters the most. Granted as long as I get my work done, my prof isn't too mean about not seeing me around. I guess I've just been in school for so long and just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have for sure, 2 years, possibly 3 years of school left, and that just seems like so long. Maybe if I really really cared about my project or thought it had some profound outcome that was possible, maybe I wouldn't feel this way, but it's there nevertheless. Anyway, I have my first counselor appt on Wed morning at 8am before I head into school. I'm just hoping she'll be understanding, won't judge me, and won't tell me that I'm crazy.