Monday, May 25, 2009

Case of the F-its

So I guess once I realized this past month that I didn't ovulate, I still haven't started AF and it's been 40 days, and I probably don't have a shot at getting PG for several more months, and months is relative, I've developed a severe case of the F-its. I haven't given up completely, especially since I'm changing so many things about my diet and medications, but I'm still down and disappointed about it. My goal is still just to get PG in 09 (it was to have a baby in 09, but sadly that has certainly passed). As far as school goes, I am so burned out, even though I've had two weeks off in the past three weeks. I just don't want to do anything, and that's where my case of the F-its matters the most. Granted as long as I get my work done, my prof isn't too mean about not seeing me around. I guess I've just been in school for so long and just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have for sure, 2 years, possibly 3 years of school left, and that just seems like so long. Maybe if I really really cared about my project or thought it had some profound outcome that was possible, maybe I wouldn't feel this way, but it's there nevertheless. Anyway, I have my first counselor appt on Wed morning at 8am before I head into school. I'm just hoping she'll be understanding, won't judge me, and won't tell me that I'm crazy.
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3 comments:

  1. Once Upon A TimeMay 25, 2009 at 9:30 PM

    Ah Melissa, hang in there. Do whatever you need to deal- and if that is F-ing it, than F-it away. (Of and if she starts judging you or you don't get a good vibe- end the appointment right there, don't subject yourself to more of the same. We already endure enough of that)

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  2. Melissa GMay 25, 2009 at 11:35 PM

    I think IF definitely warrants an F-it week, or 52. I've had a few this year myself. But for me, most of the time they end up undoing a lot of the hard work that I had put so much effort into . While self preservation should always be a priority, make sure you can see the difference between taking a break and giving up. Hang in there, you can do this. We are right there with you.

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  3. CarliMay 26, 2009 at 6:00 PM

    Melissa, I think that we all have the right to have a case of the F-its! (I had to laugh at Melissa G's comments about 52 weeks of the F-its, so F-ing true!!!) I hope that as your body gets used to this new routine that the F-its about school will surpass. I know the F-its about IF never truely go away completely until you have that miracle in your arms. Feel better soon.

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