Friday, May 8, 2009
Beach, Baby, No "O"
I had to come home earlier, I couldn't take it, I'm not strong enough anymore. My heart is absolutely breaking again. I was doing just fine until Rob's cousin and wife and baby arrived, last night. I was enjoying myself, I read some great books, and didn't get sun burned, so things were good. Then the baby came and I just fell apart. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed. I upset Rob, because he just couldn't understand why I couldn't be around the baby and stay. I tried to explain that I can't enjoy myself and relax, when all I want to do is cry. To top it all off, I didn't O. I've tested since Sunday, and these past 3 months I O'd on Day 18, but something's wrong again. Everything is just falling apart on me. All I want to do is quit. But I know I've come this far and I have to find out whether this is it for me, or whether there's still hope. But God, why does it have to hurt so much? I have that knot that you get when you are so upset, permanently over my heart. It never goes away even though I want it to.