This is my journey to motherhood. It's a bumpy road, but I'm traveling it whole heartedly.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Beach, Baby, No "O"
I had to come home earlier, I couldn't take it, I'm not strong enough anymore. My heart is absolutely breaking again. I was doing just fine until Rob's cousin and wife and baby arrived, last night. I was enjoying myself, I read some great books, and didn't get sun burned, so things were good. Then the baby came and I just fell apart. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed. I upset Rob, because he just couldn't understand why I couldn't be around the baby and stay. I tried to explain that I can't enjoy myself and relax, when all I want to do is cry. To top it all off, I didn't O. I've tested since Sunday, and these past 3 months I O'd on Day 18, but something's wrong again. Everything is just falling apart on me. All I want to do is quit. But I know I've come this far and I have to find out whether this is it for me, or whether there's still hope. But God, why does it have to hurt so much? I have that knot that you get when you are so upset, permanently over my heart. It never goes away even though I want it to.
My name is Melissa and I'm 28 years old. I've been married to my husband for six years. We've been together since we were 18. We started TTC in May of 2007. I've been thru 8 rounds of Clomid, 3 IUIs, and IVF#1 which all resulted in BFNs. FET#1 and IVF#2 ended in chemical pregnancies. FET#2 resulted in our little miracle Liam, born 8-17-11. This is now my journey through motherhood and past infertility.