Saturday, July 10, 2010

Twisted and Torn

I guess I was kind of all gung-ho about possibly doing donor just so our chances would be better, but after having a few nights to sleep on it; I'm NOT ready. I talked with a nurse on Friday and she ordered all of the labwork; we're doing a miscarriage panel and several other genetic tests. She also reiterated what I already knew that there's no way to test the quality of the eggs. You just have to fertilize and wait and see. So I guess scientists can test sperm all day long, but haven't figured out how to test eggs? Interesting...

The nurse also told me they didn't want to put me in touch with the donor nurse yet until we get all the bloodwork results back, which could take weeks. I think I've decided to wait and see how the results turn out and unless there's something that gives us a reason why we shouldn't use my eggs, I want to try again. I mean we paid for 3 tries, we've done 1, so we've got 2 left. Only problem is in our agreement if the doctor's don't think you can carry a child or if they find any other reason to not agree you should move forward, they can choose to remove us from the shared-risk program. That would be so devestating to me. I think though, if I really talk to my RE about how we feel about everything I could get him to agree to at least one more try. I'm just not ready to give up on having a child that's biologically ours. I have tons of flaws and there's alot of bad stuff as far as depression, anxiety, alchoholism, substance abuse, high cholesterol, obesity, hypothyroidism, and now infertility on my side of the family. But aren't there these kinds of things in most families? Yes, I know there's alot more, but until the doctor's tell me I've got some life-threatening condition that I could pass on to my kids or some kind of genetic defect that would cause major issues, I guess I'm still willing to take a chance.

Hopefully I'll get the lab orders by Monday and we can start waiting again for more results.

5 comments:

  1. I hope that you are able to stay in the shared risk program - I don't see why they would kick you out now and that you will be able to use your eggs. Good luck.

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  2. Melissa, I had no idea they couldn't test the quality of eggs. I just assumed they could. That's so interesting. So they're making the assumption that something's wrong with your eggs then, based on the miscarriages? But it might not even be that. I'm glad they're doing further testing & I think you're right to wait until you get all of those results back before you decide how you want to move forward.

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  3. Thinking about you, Melissa, especially as you wait for the news on the latest tests. So much heavy information, it would seem difficult to keep it all straight. I hope you are able to stay in the shared-risk program.

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  4. I would wait too and give it as many more tries with your eggs as you can. I hope you will be able to stay in the program and you won't even need to worry about donor eggs. You're in my prayers, try to stay strong!

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  5. Isn't the power of science unbelievable? I almost want to get my Phd and study female infertility. But it's true... you can't test the quality of an egg without taking it apart, and once it's taken apart, you can't use it again. And I also think all families are afflicted with many of things you mentioned. None of them should be reason to stop you from continuing in the shared risk program. I hope your lab results keep the hope alive.

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