This is my journey to motherhood. It's a bumpy road, but I'm traveling it whole heartedly.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Will It Ever Go Away?
Things have been going okay this past week. Been really busy in the lab, but at the end of the day I look forward to hearing the LOs heartbeat. The past few days it's been a little more difficult to find. It's still really low near my pelvis, but I guess maybe it keeps moving around since there's so much room. I can't say that it doesn't scare me when after 30 minutes of searching I still haven't found it, but when I do I give a huge sigh of relief. I've been worrying alot lately about something going wrong. I don't know if it's because I'm still 2 weeks away from the 2nd trimester or if it's just my dreaded anxiety acting up like it always does. On February 13, I'll be exactly 13 weeks. Kind of fitting, don't you think? I asked R last night if I could go ahead and do the NT scan. We had opted not to because of the cost. Since I'm not high risk, they don't cover the early scans. So far I haven't had to pay even a co-pay for my visits. Trust me I always ask how much I owe, because I don't want to be swamped with a crazy bill out of the blue. We talked about it, but he said he had to tell me No because of the cost. I understand, but I just don't see how I'm supposed to wait at least another 7-8 weeks before having another U/S. Being at an RE spoiled me in that regard. It's harder than I thought going months without getting to have an U/S. I mean I know the OB is just treating me like all the other PGers, nothing is going to be different for me, but I guess it takes some adjustment once you get thrust into this side of things. I start my new therapy sessions in a week and a half. I'll be going for treatments 2x a week for 10 weeks total. Hopefully the new technique I'll be trying out with the therapist will really help with my anxiety. If I could just shut my brain "OFF" sometimes, it would be alot easier. When I have even a moment that isn't occupied with lab work, then my mind goes right to the terrible what-if scenarios. I'm in a constant state of worry. I know this isn't healthy so I'm trying to find a solution and I'm hoping this might be it. I'll be 11 weeks this weekend. I'm counting down the days until 13 weeks and my next OB appt.
My name is Melissa and I'm 28 years old. I've been married to my husband for six years. We've been together since we were 18. We started TTC in May of 2007. I've been thru 8 rounds of Clomid, 3 IUIs, and IVF#1 which all resulted in BFNs. FET#1 and IVF#2 ended in chemical pregnancies. FET#2 resulted in our little miracle Liam, born 8-17-11. This is now my journey through motherhood and past infertility.