Friday, January 28, 2011

Will It Ever Go Away?

Things have been going okay this past week. Been really busy in the lab, but at the end of the day I look forward to hearing the LOs heartbeat. The past few days it's been a little more difficult to find. It's still really low near my pelvis, but I guess maybe it keeps moving around since there's so much room. I can't say that it doesn't scare me when after 30 minutes of searching I still haven't found it, but when I do I give a huge sigh of relief. I've been worrying alot lately about something going wrong. I don't know if it's because I'm still 2 weeks away from the 2nd trimester or if it's just my dreaded anxiety acting up like it always does. On February 13, I'll be exactly 13 weeks. Kind of fitting, don't you think? I asked R last night if I could go ahead and do the NT scan. We had opted not to because of the cost. Since I'm not high risk, they don't cover the early scans. So far I haven't had to pay even a co-pay for my visits. Trust me I always ask how much I owe, because I don't want to be swamped with a crazy bill out of the blue. We talked about it, but he said he had to tell me No because of the cost. I understand, but I just don't see how I'm supposed to wait at least another 7-8 weeks before having another U/S. Being at an RE spoiled me in that regard. It's harder than I thought going months without getting to have an U/S. I mean I know the OB is just treating me like all the other PGers, nothing is going to be different for me, but I guess it takes some adjustment once you get thrust into this side of things. I start my new therapy sessions in a week and a half. I'll be going for treatments 2x a week for 10 weeks total. Hopefully the new technique I'll be trying out with the therapist will really help with my anxiety. If I could just shut my brain "OFF" sometimes, it would be alot easier. When I have even a moment that isn't occupied with lab work, then my mind goes right to the terrible what-if scenarios. I'm in a constant state of worry. I know this isn't healthy so I'm trying to find a solution and I'm hoping this might be it. I'll be 11 weeks this weekend. I'm counting down the days until 13 weeks and my next OB appt.


  1. I'm glad you got a doppler. I know it can be stressful when it takes a while to find the heartbeat (I remember those times very well) but it's just such a nice reassurance when you have a long wait in between appointments. We also did not do the NT scan (b/c our insurance didn't cover it, and for other reasons) and it was a little tough waiting until the 20 week scan to see Camden again. I think you will always worry because you're an anxious person (as am I) but I really do think the 20 week scan will alleviate a lot of the major anxiety. That ultrasound is AMAZING and I can't wait for you to get to experience it. In the meantime, I'm glad you're keeping up with the therapy (I went to a therapist from my 2nd to 3rd trimester b/c of extreme anxiety & I didn't want to take anything while preggers ). Only 2 more weeks until the 2nd trimester!! That's so exciting!

  2. Hey I am right there with you!!! I am a worry wart, and I come by it naturally:/ Anyhoo I don't have a doppler- wish that I did. However the last time I was at the doctors (almost a month ago, I go back next week- YIPPEE!!) he was listening for the heartbeat and he made the comment because he was having a hard time locating the heartbeat that at this stage it can be difficult to locate because the baby has sooooo much room to move. I was relieved when we were picking up all kinds of kicks and then FINALLY the heartbeat:)
    I am now worrying about feeling the baby kick. I think that I am, hope that I am but then I worry if I don't feel it for a while etc... So the answer to your question- NO! the worry NEVER goes away, even when they are finally here! But also know you are not alone:) ((HUGS)) Prays and positive thoughts being sent your way. Hope you all have a great weekend!

  3. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope that you can find some peace of mind, especially once you move into the second trimester. GL!


  4. Hi,
    Just wanted to say my RE only did one u/s (@7w2d) and when I went to the OB she wouldn't do one until the anatomy scan at 18-20 weeks so it was a long wait!! The doppler saved my sanity so many times...

    I didn't do the NT scan either mostly because I would have had to go to another location and I did not want to call my insurance and figure all that out plus meet a new doctor, etc.

    I hope therapy is able to help you "shut off" the thoughts for a while. I just tried to pretend everything was going to be okay (it worked sometimes)


  5. Oh Melissa, I wish I could tell you that the anxiety goes away. I'm such an anxious person so my entire pregnancy I was worried about everything. At first I thought I would feel better after the first ultrasound. Then I thought after I passed the 14 week mark I would be better. Then I thought once I got to our gender ultrasound, then it was until our baby reached viability, then it was until I got to my 3rd trimester, then I thought once Lexi was born I would be able to relax... and you remember all the drama with her birth and children's hospital and then her feeding issues after that. So needless to say, IF takes a huge toll on our psyche. It's like we've trained ourselves to expect the worse and it BITES! You are going to have a healthy perfect pregnancy, just keep telling herself that and continue to see the therapist. Once you become a mother (which you are now), you never stop worrying about your kids, so welcome to motherhood! :)

  6. Did you rent your doppler or purchase one? I think we're going to rent one, but not for another couple of weeks. I think it will be the only thing keeping me sane once we "graduate" to the OB.

  7. It is SO HARD to go from weekly ultrasounds at the RE to waiting a month in between. I have two more weeks I think until my next one. So hard to wait. So happy that things are going so well for you. I have been thinking about getting a doppler. Do you have any suggestions?

  8. Almost to the second trimester! Hang in there and you and your LO can do it. :)

    I wish you the well with the therapy and hope that it helps with your feelings of anxiety. I know that I can get in those modes, too, and it can be difficult to get out of the cycle. I have gotten better about it. Just be sure to give yourself some room to make some mistakes and know that it is part of learning how to manage the anxiety.

    Love you!

  9. I am hoping the next couple of weeks goes by quickly for you so that u/s gets here (and the 2nd tri!) fast!