Waiting for IUI#1

So it's on to waiting for IUI#1. Notice how I'm saying #1, yes I'm not being optimistic. With all the luck we've had these past 2 years and 7 months, I am not counting on a first attempt at IUI to work. It would be an absolute miracle if it did. So I'm preparing myself to be disappointed; not because I'm such a pessimist, but because I'm trying to protect myself from getting excited and then being let down again. My follicle check this morning went fine. I have several follies, and one large one on my left side. Still needs some time to cook though, so I'll be going in again on Friday, but OPKing til then. If I get a +OPK before Friday then I'll call in and we'll schedule the IUI. It would be cool if we did the IUI on Halloween. That would mean that we'd find out on my birthday or Rob's bday if it worked (Nov 13 or 15). Maybe a good sign? Rob's B/W results were good too, which was nice to hear. We still don't have any percentages on whether the IUI will work, but we may do some more testing.

Chicago and Letrozole

So I'm back from my trip to Chicago. It was so much fun, I wish I could have stayed longer, but back to reality. I got to stay with one of my good friends, who I hadn't seen in almost a year. We got to take a boatride tour of downtown Chicago, we went to Navy Pier, went to a haunted house on Navy Pier, went shopping, and I went to the Chicago Museum of Art. It was so nice, just to get away, not think about TTC, MFI, and IUI, which has been consuming my thoughts for the past few weeks. I did go to the conference for a few hours each day, but I spent most of my time sight-seeing. I got some great freebies, and some great developmental neuro books that will hopefully help me out alot.

I'm starting to freak out again. I finished my Letrozole, so far no side-effects to report, which is much nicer than everything I had going on when I was on Clomid. On Tuesday Oct 27, I go in for a follicle check at 7am, and then at 10am I get a phonecall consult with our RE to go over all of Rob's bloodwork. I'm so scared, I just don't know if I can take anymore bad news. But, there's not much I can do, and I guess knowing is better than not knowing.

I found out that one of my friends is actually 12wks PG, even though she told us two weeks ago. Of course the day after we found out they were PG, we found out about Rob's MFI and our less than 1% chance of conceiving naturally. I just don't really know what to think about it right now. I don't really want to be around them, if that makes me a bad friend then so be it. It hurts too much right now.

IUI#1 Update

So AF is here, and I'll be starting Letrozole in two days. I go in on Oct 27 for an U/S to check my follies, then we'll set up the IUI accordingly. I'll also be doing on phone consult with the RE to go over all of the B/W Rob had done (Male Infertily Panel, checked his hormones and chromosomes). I'm really really nervous and scared about hearing the results. I figure if it was really bad they wouldn't let me go thru with the IUI, at least I'm telling myself that. I leave for Chicago for five days in the morning. I get to stay with one of my friends, which should be nice. I do have a conference to go to, but I'm hoping I can skip out sometimes to spend time with her and do some sight-seeing.

The Last Hail Mary and An Award

So this is it; the last hail mary! I have one more week and AF will arrive or not. I'm hoping not, but I think that's just wishful thinking at this point. I'll be going in for a Progesterone check in a day and taking Rob in for a ton of bloodwork. He's getting his Testosterone, FSH, LH, TSH, Prolactin, a Peripheral Karyotype, Y-micro Deletion Analysis, Cystic Fibrosis, and Estradiol checked, which means a ton of vials, which means one big baby on my hands. Rob is 6'3'' and a big dude, but he faints with needles. Should be interesting, I'll post the story once we get done.

YEY I got another award!

Rules

1. You Can Only Use One Word!

2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers

3. Alert them that you have given them this award!

4. Have Fun!

The Survey~

1. Where is your cell phone? Beside

2. Your hair? Brown

3. Your mother? Annoying

4. Your father? Quiet

5. Your favorite food? Chinese

6. Your dream last night? Weird

7. Your favorite drink? Dr. Pepper

8. Your dream/goal? Faith

9. What room are you in? Living

10. Your hobby? Reading

11. Your fear? Childless

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Mother

13. Where were you last night? Bed

14. Something that you aren’t? Outgoing

15. Muffins? Banana-Nut

16. Wish list item? Car

17. Where did you grow up? South Carolina

18. Last thing you did? Movie

19. What are you wearing? Jeans

20. Your TV? Duplicity

21. Your pets? Alot

22. Friends? Helpful

23. Your life? Changing

24. Your mood? Tired

25. Missing someone? Rob

26. Vehicle? Civic

27. Something you’re not wearing? Glasses

28. Your favorite store? Target

29. Your favorite color? Blue

30. When was the last time you laughed? Sunday

31. Last time you cried? Friday

32. Your best friend? Rob

33. One place that I go to over and over? Lab

34. One person who emails me regularly? Prof

35. Favorite place to eat? Sushi (anywhere)

I am awarding this blog award to (in no particular order):

1. In Due Time

2. The Pitter-Patter

3. There's a baby at the end of this, right?

4. Inconceivable?!

5. 2 of a Kind, Working on a Full House!

6. Bottoms Off and On The Table- An Infertility Journey

Don't forget to pass it along!

Male Factor Infertility and IUI

I'm just in such shock, I always thought it was me that had the problem. We got the S/A and Morphology results and they were very very bad. He had 16Million, hardly any motility, and the shape of his sperm are not conducive to fertilization. We have less than a 1% chance of conceiving naturally, basically 0%. I can't believe it.

I got a positive OPK this month, not that it matters much now, but that's 4 months in a row that I've ovulated on my own.

We are going to be starting medicated IUI with Letrozole for me, next cycle. I just have to wait for AF and our IUI journey begins. In the back of my mind I always knew we'd end up doing IUI, but it's still hard to swallow. We will try this for 3 months and then move on to IVF. This is unreal.

S**t Hit the Fan

So here I was thinking things were going ok. I'm dosed up on antidepressants, I'm seeing an RE, I'm seeing a marriage counselor, what's the next best thing that could happen to make things blow up in my face? Oh yes another PGer. But wait, it gets even better. It just so happens that it's the couple we do everything with. They live 3 houses down from us and we see them probably 3-5 times a week. They tried, wait, count it with me 2 MONTHS, F**K it all to H*LL. And how does my lovely husband decide to tell me....

I got home from school to find him gone, called his cell he wouldn't answer, so I called our friend and what do you know they went to lunch together. So out in the middle of the yard, Rob goes

Rob: "Guess what babe, we need to take them to dinner to celebrate."
Me: "Did he get the job?" (He's applying to another position with Verizon)
Rob: "No, they're pregnant! Isn't that great. Now we can raise our kids together."
Me: "Rob, we don't have kids, we are seeing an RE, it could be months or years from now. I have to go."

And I proceed to run into the house with tears streaming down my face, while Rob and our friend are left standing in the yard. I then had a full-blown panic attack for 2 hours straight.

Wonderful, just wonderful. And to top it off we had a counselor appt that afternoon. I don't want to see them, I don't want to talk to them, I don't want anything to do with them. I'm a horrible person, I'm a horrible friend, but if it keeps me from falling apart everyday, from being angry and wanting to break or destroy something, then so be it. It wouldn't be the first friend that I've lost because they were PG. What's another one added to the list gonna do?