11dp3dt

So it's been a really tough couple of days. I started POAS last week got a faint positive, then the next morning got a negative. I got another faint positive on Sunday, and then another negative yesterday morning. It pretty much drove me nuts. I luckily didn't POAS this morning and will not on Wed, since it's the day of my beta. My emotions have been all over the place; I've been really really down and then pretty optimistic, sometimes within the same hour. I've cried at least once everyday since Friday because I've been so concerned that since I wasn't getting a darker second line that something was surely wrong. I know that I brought this upon myself by testing early and probably testing at all, which my RE suggests we do not do, but it's a hard habit to break, especially when you've been POAS pretty much every month for 3 years straight. I'm doing better this morning. I have been at least keeping up with my BBT and over the past few days it's been getting really high for me. My normal baseline is 97.4. If I have temps over 98 usually right before AF and then they drop to around 97.8, AF is sure to come either that same day or the next. Since Friday my temps have been around 98.3 and this morning it was 98.65, the highest I have every gotten since I've been charting. Something is certainly going on, hopefully something good. I've been a big slacker at school these past few weeks and I know my prof is probably getting a little upset about it, but at this point I'm so focused on myself and Rob, I just can't do much else. I'm hoping that once I do get that BFP finally, no matter if it's now or after a FET, that I'll finally be able to breathe a little easier and get back to work like I know I need to. I've had some cramping off and on over the past few days, no spotting whatsoever, which I guess is a good thing. Wish me luck, this test could change my life.

8dp3dt

I am such a bad blogger. I guess I've just been trying to not think of it as much, but of course it never works. Well I tested on Thursday and saw a very very faint line on a FRER, but then I tested on Friday morning and it was negative, devestating to say the least. I decided not to test this morning and will test again on Sunday morning since that will be 9dp3dt (12dp). I know it may not show anything either, but I guess I just want to feel productive and if POAS does that then so be it. Of course, I'll be sad if I don't see that ever elusive second line, but I will tell myself it is still too early. On one of the boards on BBC that I'm on, one of the gals just had a beta 10dp5dt and it was only 32, but her docs were ok with that. With a beta that low, it wouldn't even show up on some sticks, so I guess even if on the day of my beta I don't get a BFP, it may still not be over. I'm so thankful for the weekend, but Monday and Tuesday of next week are gonna be torture, I can feel it. Luckily Rob has Wednesday off so he will be coming with me to the hospital where I get the test done. I will have to go in to the school for a little while, but then I will probably skip the rest of the day to come home and wait for the most important phone call of my life. I never realized how different IVF was from IUI. Right now I know that I have two embryos in my uterus, I've never had that before; it's a completely different feeling. I'm already protective of them, I already speak to them each day, I want them to stay around so much, but I know I have absolutely no control over what happens, and that sucks. But, it's a lesson that God has been trying to teach me throughout this 3 year journey. I am NOT in control, He IS. I have to keep reminding myself of this. I'm hoping since tomorrow is Sunday and church day, maybe God will bless us early, just this once.

ET Friday

So alot has happened this week. I did get confirmation of OHSS, and let me tell you it's not fun at all. My ER was Tuesday morning and it went really well. I'm still very swollen and very tender, but doing my best to drink lots of fluids. We got 17 eggs!!

Of the 17, 16 fertilized, but not all of the eggs were mature enough. We have 4 Grade 3 Embryos, 8 Grade 2 Embryos, and 4 Grade 1 Embryos (RE doesn't think these will make it). We are going to do a Day 3 ET with at least 3 of the best. RE wants to be able to freeze as many as possible. I'm anxious and nervous, but ultimately just excited. This time tomorrow I will be PUPO.

Possibility of OHSS

Well I had some good news at my scan this morning and some bad news. The good news is I have 4-12mm, 4-11mm, 3-10mm, and 10 to 12-9mm. The bad news is my RE thinks I am on the verge of OHSS. I'm extremely swollen and my ovaries are killing me. It's even uncomfortable to walk around. Worse case scenario he will let me do my ER and postpone my ET. He'll go ahead and get all the eggs and freeze whatever embryos that form and then I'll do FETs until all the embies are gone. I'm nervous and scared about all of this, but I know I don't have any control over what happens. Please pray that I don't get OHSS and that my ET isn't postponed.

Stims

So I've only been on Menopur and Bravelle for 2 days and already I feel like crap. Everyday like clockwork I've gotten a headache that will not go away. Yesterday AF showed with a fury and taking Tylenol doesn't help with my cramps. So needless to say I skipped school yesterday, stayed in bed all day, and tried to get as much sleep as I could. I feel a little bit better today. In the morning I go in for an U/S check and B/W to check my Estradiol levels. I guess I'll get a call letting me know what dose my RE wants me to take for the next few days after my appt. I am counting the days down one by one until my ER. Hoping for lots of good follies in the coming days! I'm praying that things continue to go smoothly and I won't get delayed any because of lack of growth or suppression issues. So far so good.

Soul Sisters

I had a fabulous weekend with some amazing women. I rested, relaxed, laughed, cried, and everything in between. It was exactly what I needed. I never truly realized how close I could be with someone I have never met and only bonded with over the internet. These lovely gals are my soul sisters and my life truly wouldn't be the same without them in it. They have been better friends to me than any of my IRL friends and I will be forever greatful to them for that. I only hope that I've been able to do the same for them. Love you bunches Jamie, Carli, and Melissa.

I hope next year or the next trip I will be able to meet and see some of the other wonderful ladies who have supported me along the way. Katie, Kerri, Ellie, Des, Lau and all my Blogger friends, thank you for caring about me and supporting me along the way. You have all been life-savers, literally.

In the morning, we go in for our IVF-Start appointment. I've been on Lupron for 5 full days and still don't have AF. Who knows maybe she won't come. I've had lots of headaches and several hot flashes, but otherwise have been okay. I'm hoping my baseline U/S looks good and I will get the go ahead to start my Stims. Can't wait!

Waiting for Lupron

I know I've been kind of MIA for about a week since our TT, I guess I've just been counting down the days still I start injections. Less than two days away. I start Lupron on Thursday and I'll be driving to Rob's parents house for a night and then drive to Atlanta on Friday to meet some fabulous lifelong friends. Two of them I have never met before and one of them I met last year on a similar girl's weekend trip. I am so excited to finally get to meet these two wonderful ladies and spend some quality time with them and my other friend. It's really what's been keeping me going these last few weeks, since I feel like all I've been doing is waiting. I've gotten all the meds and boy was that crazy, there's so much stuff, I feel like I have a drug store in my closet. It's so crazy to be so excited about starting injections, but I really am looking forward to it. I don't care about the pain that may come and all the side effects, I'm excited that for once we actually have greater than a 25% success rate this time. It could actually happen for us in April, I could really be PG by then. I'm trying to stay positive and be as stress free as I can. It's so hard to do because I worry about everything and unfortunately worrying does not go well with IVF. Luckily my prof finally knows what's going on, so he understands that I'm going to be taking some time off for the ER and ET at the end of March and beginning of April. Here's hoping for an Easter Bunny surprise and a Christmas Gift at the end of the year. Wouldn't that be something?